We all love our children. And we want the best for them. But despite our best efforts, not all kids grow up happy and self-sufficient.

Even though it seems like we’re drowning in parenting advice.

Books, courses, blogs

reels, reels, reels — take your pick and build your parenting strategy.

Yes, even if you’ve never thought about it, you already have one — a set of principles and actions you follow, consciously or not.

This strategy covers everything:

• what and how your child eats
• sleep routines
• your reaction to their wins and failures
• how much freedom they have
• where boundaries are drawn
• and more — for example, for me, it was important not to strap my daughter into the stroller. And I know why.

In the early years of parenting, your strategy is usually all over the place.

• Your kid quickly shows you the gap between expectations and reality.

• Instagram confidently declares: “5 things I stopped doing after my kid ate literal shit.”

• And of course, your own parents chime in: “We used to punish you — look how great you turned out!”

By age 3 or 4, things tend to settle. The child grows, life moves on. You can finally breathe.

But there’s one thing parents often forget

Every child is born a unique person. With their own traits and talents. Their own way of seeing and interacting with the world.

And here comes the key question:

If your strategy already takes that uniqueness into account — if both you and your child feel at peace — then I’m truly happy for you. You probably don’t need what I’m about to say.

But if you’re still here, let me share one thought. It came to me when my daughter was two. And I’m sure it’ll feel familiar:

Every adult was once a child

• Yeah, thanks, Captain Obvious.
• No, really. Look:
• Trust in the world, enthusiasm, kindness, curiosity, playfulness.
• The ability to find joy in small things, to glow with happiness.
• Even persistence and assertiveness, that little fire in the eyes, that spark of life.

…And now think of your coworkers, people in stores, on the street, on the subway. Remember their faces, their eyes… How often do you see that spark?

So how do vibrant kids become dimmed-down adults?

Was it because their parents didn’t love them? Didn’t spend time with them?

Of course they loved them. And they tried. They followed a parenting strategy.

But here’s the catch:

Most parenting strategies are generic

A generic parenting strategy

…is when your principles come from “how it’s usually done,” not from who your child actually is. And when that’s the case, whatever makes them different will be suppressed.

For instance, a kid who loves to move, who can’t sit still — usually gets told: sit down, calm down, read a book.

And a quiet kid who prefers reading over running around? They’ll hear: you really should get more exercise, move your body — it’s good for you.

And so it goes. With everything.

That’s actually why I never strapped my daughter into her stroller. She’s a natural explorer, always moving, and I try not to limit that. But that’s not universal advice.

The problem with a generic strategy

It gradually — unconsciously, but inevitably — severs the child from their unique self. A new version forms. One that fits others’ expectations. One that knows how to earn approval, avoid conflict.

At first, it’s just a coping mechanism. But with time, these become masks. And the longer they’re worn, the harder they are to take off.

The result

• You end up with someone who:
• Looks for answers everywhere except within.
• Settles for what doesn’t feel right, just to avoid extra hassle.
• Silences their inner voice with logic: “That’s just how it is.”
• Suppresses feelings — because boys don’t cry.
• Tries to “find themselves” by mimicking others: “Look, all the kids are wearing hats.”
• Dismisses their own needs. Ignores body signals.
• Works not for joy, but for “stability.”
• Holds onto relationships long after they’ve died.
• …And doesn’t even realize most of this is happening.

Think I’m being dramatic? Trust me, I’m choosing my words carefully.

The takeaway

There are 2 things you need to know — You decide if they’re good news or bad.

1) No one but you will invest in nurturing your child’s natural gifts and personality.

• Society doesn’t care. Systems prefer “normal,” manageable people who stay within the lines.

• Alternative methods like Waldorf, Montessori, STEP, or humanistic education — better than nothing, sure. But even they claim to honor individuality…

• and still rely on generalized approaches. (Waldorf kindergartens, for example, require a daily nap.)

2) You will never have more influence over your child than in their first 7 years

• By age 7, the core of their personality is already formed.

• These early years are critical. Every day, with every choice — whether you’re aware or not —

• You’re either watering the roots of authenticity or pruning them to fit the norm.

Every child is not only a person — they’re a message to the world. My job is to help you help them deliver it.

And yes, my logic checks out

• I’m fully aware that:
• I’ve been criticizing generic parenting strategies
• Yet I claim to have a way to build an individual strategy for your child
• I offer practical tips you can use daily, with confidence you’re doing the right thing
• It sounds… pretty generic
• And we haven’t even met

And how does that contradiction resolve? You’ll find out in the next article.

There, I’ll tell you about a unique tool that helps you understand how your child is wired. It’s not guesswork or woo-woo — it’s a map of their individuality, coded at birth. Knowledge that gives them the strength to live in the matrix, without becoming the matrix. To stay true to themselves and their talents.

Head back to the bot — the next part is already waiting for you.